To My Brother, Paulie

To My Brother, Paulie

How Being a Sister to Someone Who is Voiceless Has Made Me Who I Am Today

To My Brother, Paulie, 

I know you cannot read this letter, but I need to thank you. You have taught me so much my whole life. Though you cannot speak you have taught me more than I could ever be told. Though you cannot write you have taught me more than I could ever read. Though you cannot stand you have taught me what I should stand up for. No one will ever learn everything you have taught me because they cannot live the last 31 years of my life as your sister. But if I can help others to even learn 10% of what you have taught me, they will see the world in a different way. You have taught me that the pursuit of money is not my purpose in life. You have taught me my purpose is to spread compassion and acceptance. You have taught me what unconditional love is. You have taught me that every life has value regardless of ability. I may have strayed on and off this path that you unknowingly set for me, but today I know that I will never stray from the right path. Your life has been hard and painful, but it also has been beautiful and happy. All these moments in life as your sister have shaped who I am. Thank You

Love, Your Sister,

Dianna

We have a moral obligation to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. This is something I learned from my brother, Paulie. He did not intentionally teach me this lesson, nor is he aware he has. I learned this lesson from observing and interacting with him, my parents, and anyone who has encountered him. He still teaches me, I watch how he and my family fight for his life every single day. I would not be who I am if it weren’t for him. I do not know who I would be if I had not had him in my life. But I know he has made me be the best person I can be and helps me continue to grow. I am thankful for him and feel I owe him so much for this, but he asks for nothing. What I can do is try to share what he has taught me. I hope what I share opens your heart and turns your apathy into empathy. I hope it turns you from someone who stands by in complacency into a passionate advocate for the innocent and the voiceless. My brother has been instrumental in turning me into this type of person.

Due to being born prematurely my

brother is severely physically and intellectually disabled. My now 35-year-old older brother will always be my baby brother. My brother is unable to walk so we carry him and use a wheelchair to get him around.  Paulie spends the majority of his days sitting in an oversized chair watching Sesame Street, chewing on and playing with toys made for infants. He does not speak but communicates in his own way. I know when he is happy, in pain, bored, or even thirsty. I know when he wants a hug and when he does not want to be touched at all. He is voiceless, but I hear him. Others would too if they took the time to listen. 

Growing up with a brother like Paulie is a very different childhood than most have. My brother has been in and out of the hospitals since birth. I would watch him have violent seizures and my parents have sleepless nights. I watched my parents give up a traditional life to care for my brother in our house rather than put him in home as some would do. My father gave up his business in order to be his 24/7 caregiver. My mother worked as a nurse so they could keep their health insurance and pay their bills. Even though my mother is technically retired, she continues to work two jobs. This is true unconditional love. My brother will never be able to provide for himself and can only give love in return. My brother has had 27 brain surgeries, these have been cerebral-abdominal brain shunt revisions that run from his brain to his abdomen. My brother used to speak a few words before they had to go through the speech center of his brain. Leaving him with the one word “baba”. I have many memories of my brother being rushed to the hospital and I would be left with a neighbor or family member.

My brothers’ medical emergencies were ever present during my childhood. But this felt normal to me, he is my older brother, and I was born into his life. I was fortunate to have a loving family that never allowed me to feel neglected. Though it always hurt to see these things happening to my brother, it was a routine part of my life. He is a fighter and so are my family. What never felt normal to me was other people’s reactions to my brother. My brother went to the same school as me, yet he was rarely seen in the hallways. When he or any other disabled kids are seen other students would stare, point, or make jokes. With time I realized poor reactions to disabled people was because they were segregated from others. How can someone learn about individuals that are different from them if they are so separated? I would yell at the other students and defend my brother and his classmates, that is when I became an activist even though I did not identify as one. 

As I got older, I became more involved with students of all levels in special needs classes. I was vice president of my high school chapter of Best Buddies. An organization dedicated to integrating individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities through one on one friendships, employment, and inclusive living. I would spend my free time with individuals like my brother, and others who were not very different than myself other than having an extra chromosome. I drove to my prom with my best buddy Chris and his Girl Friend who have Down Syndrome. When someone would say I was a good person for doing this I would correct them. It does not make me a good person to go to public events with my friend. 

I have been teaching Latin & ballroom dance for 15 years. Currently I am involved with Global Dance Art, a non-profit that subsidizes cost for dance lessons for individuals who are differently-abled. A beautiful couple I teach, Diana & Matt, have attended

regional competitions to perform and are the faces of the organization. They are also activists in the movement for disability rights. I receive praise for teaching them as well, yet I see teaching individuals who are differently-abled no more noble than teaching anyone else. They deserve to be treated equally and offered the same opportunities others would. Treating them the same as someone else is a moral baseline. This praise I would get is because too often disabled individuals are seen as less than, or they are pitied. I want people to see them and treat them like they would treat anyone else. And I want individuals like my brother, who do not have a voice, not to be overlooked but to be heard. There is still a lot of work to be done in the disability rights movement. 

Some see having a higher IQ as being superior to someone else with a lower IQ. They feel intelligence gives them the right to control others; believing that individuals with a lower intellectual capacity as someone who is less then,or not deserving of their life. In some parts of the world people would abandon someone like my brother. There are orphanages filled with children who are intellectually and developmentally disabled. Some suffer and die from neglect. It breaks my heart that people see these individuals as less just because they are different. 

Does an individual without a voice have less worth? Does a living being of lower intellectual capacity have less worth? Do you believe that being more intelligent then another individual gives you the right over their life? If you believe a sentient individual like my brother who has the intelligence of a baby and has no voice has a right to live, please keep reading and keep this in mind. 

My moral baseline is to treat all individuals equally and with respect regardless if they have a voice or a lower intellectual capacity. It took me longer than I’d like to admit applying how I feel about my brother’s life to other individual’s lives. Once I made the connection my world had completely changed. But unfortunately, when I made this connection I started to fall into a deep depression about humanity. Humans so blatently hurt those who are voiceless without much thought.  We justify this by saying we need to, as if we didn’t it would be their life or ours. We act as if it’s survival of the fittest. Most people act this way because they have been told it is okay and is a societal norm. We have been fed lies by those who can profit from us. Lies told by the very people who cause so much pain and suffering. 

What gave me faith in humanity again were other activists and a very special animal sanctuary that I now work at. Working with these animals I see reflections of my brother and my relationships with those who are differently-abled. One of these animals is named Finn. Finn reminds me the most of my brother. He has a neurological disorder that makes it so he cannot control his body and cannot stand on his own, so he uses a wheelchair. Recently I noticed Finn biting one of his friends then going into a short intense seizure. Immediately my brother came to mind who also expresses that he is in pain with biting or grabbing. Part of my job is to give Finn Phenobarbital, the same drug my brother takes for his seizures. Finn spends most of his day in a wheelchair, just like my brother. I carry Finn from his chair to his bed for naps and bedtime, just like I would do for my brother.  Finn likes to chew and play with baby toys, just like my brother. Finn does not have a voice, but just like my brother I hear him. Finn and Paulie have a lot in common. Still some would say that Finn’s life has less worth, because Finn is a goat, a farm animal. A farm animal abused for milk and meat. 

Leo was surrendered with a puncture wound to his eye. He would cower in fear when you came near him. He has no voice, like my brother, but I heard that he was in pain and scared. Through unconditional love his fear has lessened, and he has begun to trust me. He now runs to me when I call his name and we play ball together. But some would say that Leo’s life has no worth, because Leo is a cow, a farm animal. Leo destiny was supposed to be killed, chopped up, and sold as veal.  He is a farm animal that is abused for milk and meat.

  When I rescued Gwen she could not walk and when I put her down she would panic and cry. She was in a crate without food or water for a week, when she left the crate she was manhandled without care. Now she runs with a waddle every time she sees snacks. But some would say that Gwen’s life has no worth, because Gwen is a chicken, a farm animal. A farm animal abused for meat and eggs. 

These are 3 of the 200 animals that live at Goats of Anarchy. An animal sanctuary that specializes in animals with different disabilities and gives them a full life. Our animals teach acceptance and respect of those who are different than ourselves. I truly believe I was drawn to this place because of what my brother has taught me. He has taught me we are not so different, whether we have a disability, or we are a different species, we all want to live, to be happy, to love.

I asked you if an individual had less worth if they have a lower intellectual capacity and are voiceless. Does this not apply to all living beings? Does it only apply to humans? Do you make exceptions for pets, cats and dogs? Why not birds, pigs, cows, bees, fish, sheep, or goats? Can you morally justify treating other species poorly, taking their life, because you feel like you have the right to because you are more intelligent? How is treating other species like this so different than how some would treat my brother? Like my brother, all these beings cannot speak up for themselves. Like my brother, they all have been taken advantage of because of their innocence and ignored because they cannot speak. To argue it is okay to take their life is to also argue that it is okay to take my brothers. My brother, my friends, my family, myself are not so different from these non-human animals.  Yet we have apathy towards their suffering. 

Billions of sentient beings are killed a year just because we like how they taste; in a day and age where we no longer need to eat animal products to survive. Science has proven we can live long and thrive on a plant-based diet. We have the ability to buy objects and products that do not cause any harm to humans and non-humans. What excuses could we make not to live a life that avoids, as much as possible, causing unnecessary harm?

My brother has taught me to stand by the side of those who are different, regardless of their IQs. Whether they get around on feet, wheels, paws or hooves. Whether they can speak, sign, chirp, or moo. We have a moral obligation to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves, human and non-human. So, tell me, has my brother taught you to be a voice for the innocent and voiceless? 

Special Thanks to:

Animal Rights and Disability Rights Activist who make me want to be a stronger and more dedicated to the movements everyday.

Global Dance Arts, Teachers and Students that helps me bring my passion of dance to those who do not easily have access to it.

Best Buddies, who helped me make special connections to my fellow students in my high school whom were often segregated from the rest of the school.

My Family, my parents who dedicate their life to care for my brother. My Grandmother and Aunts & Uncles who helped care for me in my unique childhood and never let me feel neglected. My cousins who never treated Paulie like he was "different"

And my Brother, without him I do not know who I would be today. You have made me everything I am and everything I do is because of you.

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